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What Flavor Doritos would Jesus Be?

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I threw out this news that Doritos/Pepsi did some crowdsourcing to get their slate of Super Bowl commercials coming up at the beginning of February. One of the Doritos commercials has the Catholic church upset because it uses the symbol of communion/eucharist with ‘the body’ represented as Doritos. Now, Catholics have their view that they really are partaking of Jesus’ body and blood when they take the bread & wine. So I get why they wouldn’t want to taste a Jesus that leaves a terrible after taste and gives you bad breath for the rest of the evening, not to mention leaves a residue on your finger tips.

But, if Jesus was a Dorito, what kind would he be? Someone seems to think Jesus would be Spicy Sweet Chili.. My only hope is that he doesn’t taste like Late Night All Nighter Cheeseburger, talk about a bad idea. I think we can all agree we don’t want Jesus to be this doritos flavor.

In more serious discussion, what are alternatives to ‘the body & blood’ that are acceptable? This was part of my discussion with Josh Hale, Katie Dawson, and others over twitter. It was a fun conversation, but had me thinking, this is one of our sacraments, we should know what is acceptable in use and what isn’t..

So I’ve begun a list: What are the acceptable forms of bread? and what are the acceptable forms of juice? and why

Accepted

  • tasteless wafers – you need to suffer through this
  • small stale cubes of bread – you need to suffer & break a crown
  • homemade bread – no suffering needed, grace is good
  • hawaiian bread – it’s all gonna be okay man’ now lets go surfing
  • welch’s grape juice – its cheap and sugar content gets kids to drink it
  • homemade wine – only available in kentucky
  • cheap wine – need to make you cringe when tasting, it is blood by the way
  • **cornbread – its just too dang good

Not Accepted (apparently, some of this list is on protest)

  • buttermilk biscuits – perfect for morning services, imho
  • popcorn – cheap & easily prepared. microwave before services and just pass around the bag
  • grape soda – no sodas for the kids, bummer
  • angel food cake – too many calories to be seen as suffering
  • goldfish crackers – only allowed for church child care programs
  • good wine – not in the budget
  • sweet tea – Jesus wasn’t a southerner, unsweet, getting closer
  • frozen biscuits – you even ask?..
  • cookies – Jesus might have been oatmeal cookie.. academia still sorting that out

** – has to be served with milk

What are your Accepted & Not Accepted list? don’t forget the ‘why.’

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. I think I’ll stick to tasteless wafers, homemade bread, pita bread and Welches. Homemade bread is the best because I serve a risen Christ.

  2. I think I’ll stick to tasteless wafers, homemade bread, pita bread and Welches. Homemade bread is the best because I serve a risen Christ.

  5. I’ve posted this on Twitter in response to the conversation there, but here’s what a friend and I discussed and a response:

    “I’d add that anything goes out of necessity if it’s done respectfully and presented as such. Such as Bonhoeffer in prison using nothing and having each man use his imagination. I’ve actually done that one time at an Emmaus team meeting when someone forgot the bread and juice and what we found in the church didn’t seem right.”

  6. I’ve posted this on Twitter in response to the conversation there, but here’s what a friend and I discussed and a response:

    “I’d add that anything goes out of necessity if it’s done respectfully and presented as such. Such as Bonhoeffer in prison using nothing and having each man use his imagination. I’ve actually done that one time at an Emmaus team meeting when someone forgot the bread and juice and what we found in the church didn’t seem right.”

  7. I keep the tasteless wafers and a small bottle of Welch’s around for just those occasions. My kids call the wafers “Jeezits” and have been known to consume an entire tube of them.

  8. I keep the tasteless wafers and a small bottle of Welch’s around for just those occasions. My kids call the wafers “Jeezits” and have been known to consume an entire tube of them.